Demented Demon Rabbit? No, Opera Singing Bunny
by ProfessorHojotheGEN-I-US
Summary: Based off the Skittles commercial A story of the day Dante wished he hadn't done what he did.


A/N: Ok, I don't own Dante, Vergil, or Enzo. They belong to Capcom. I don't own Skittles or their rabbit either. Too bad. I'd be rich.

This is rated T but there are some M-ish tints to it. Oh well, a little gore and violence never hurt anybody. Except the person it was happening to of course.

I am terrified of this commercial. If you've never seen it be glad. But if you have, this story might make more sense. Hell, read it anyway. You'll like it. I promise.

Demented Demon Rabbit?! ... No, That's Just an Opera Singing Bunny

Let me set the scene for you: It's a relatively nice day with few clouds in sight. The sun is shining and there is a slight warm breeze. It's about mid-day and this is where the story begins. My name is Dante. And I am bored out of my mind. I hate days like these. Everything's too calm and peaceful. Days like these, I don't get any work. I thought the day would stay boring and dull, what with no work and all. I was wrong. So very, _very_ wrong.

I'm gonna assume that you already know Enzo. If you don't, well, he's hard to miss. He's a fat tub of lard with sausages for lips and burnt spaghetti for hair. Told ya you couldn't miss him. Anyway, he's my employer of sorts and he thinks that we're friends or something. I'll never understand that, but anyway. As I said, I was bored and he called me to "hang out" so I decided What the Hell and we... hung out. My already boring day just got worse. We basically sat around eating some pizza when Enzo decides he wants some candy. So we went and got some candy. Don't worry people, this story has a point.

He basically wasted all of his money on chocolate covered lard sticks and caramel coated death balls. I had a few bucks and decided to pick up some Skittles. Apparently, eating all that candy didn't satisfy a hunger as tremendously disgusting as his and he asks me to give him the Skittles. "Please Dante," he pretty much begs me, "I'm so hungry!" "Too bad you fat bastard. You got your own candy." He carries on like this for a while and then I see a plan formulating in that pear shaped head of his. "Dante," he says, "If you give me your Skittles, I'll trade you a singing bunny rabbit." I look at him in disbelief. "A singing...bunny rabbit." "Yeah," he says, "But you gotta give me those Skittles." Hell, I can always buy more Skittles. A singing bunny's gotta be worth a Hell of a lot more and more interesting to boot. "Sure Enzo," I tell him, "I'll trade ya." He says OK and tells me to meet him in his backyard in one hour. Yeah, ok, what the Hell ever man.

So I'm sitting at home waiting when Vergil comes in and takes my Skittles. I'm like "Those are mine, Fuck-face" and he's all "So?" so then I take him out and tell him about the bunny. He thinks I'm nuts. Whatever, let him think what he will. It's not like I've traded the candy yet. I can always eat them right in front of Enzo's face if he's trying to pull a fast one. An hour passes and I head on over to Enzo's.

I get there and, sure enough, he pulls out an opera singing bunny. Oh my God, I cannot even believe it. The fatty wasn't just lying between his ears. I give him a creepy smirk, we trade, and I am happy.

When I get home, Vergil looks at it and then me and then walks away. Yeah, I thought he might do something like walk out in defeat. I'm feelin' really good about my self right now and I'm to give myself mind kudos when I realize that he freakin' bunny won't shut the Hell up. He's been singing none stop since we got home. Oh well, I'll sell him tomorrow or something. Yeah, that's the plan. Then I can buy all the Skittles I want. Enzo's such a loser. He could never think of a plan this good.

After about three hours alone with this thing, I start to get a wee bit pissed. It just won't shut up! How many operas can one bunny know?! It's almost as if it's possessed. The air gets really stale around me and then it starts raining. I mean, like, hardcore raining. So now, I'm trapped inside with this crazy bunny and, unless I want to go outside and freeze, I will have to suffer with this the rest of my life. Uh-uh, no way. I'm getting it out of here. I'm going crazy. I call for Vergil to help me, but he's nowhere in the house. I can't believe he still hasn't come back. All the singing, it just won't stop AHH!

I take it into the kitchen and throw a couple a knives at it. It dodges most of them and throws the rest back, not even missing a beat. I throw it in a steaming shower hopping to scald it, kill it, or at least stop it's Goddamn singing. Well, I throw it in, and it jumps back out, latching itself to my face and drags me in the shower. Damn that water is hot! So, I turn it down so now even the bunny won't get hurt. I proceed to throw it outside in hopes it'll get struck by lightning. Whatever happens to it, I'm free. I can still hear it though and I turn around and see it standing in my freakin' doorway. AHH! As if on cue, a huge lightning strike snaps behind it right as the bunny hits a particularly high note. So now I'm freakin' out and it's chasing me all over the house. I never knew a bunny could hope so fast, but, then again, this is probably a demon rabbit from Hell. "Get the Hell away from me you demented old circus monkey!" I scream. It wasn't the particularly _best_ insult, but I'm fearin' for my life here people. I now seriously start to consider that Enzo had it in for me and paid Vergil off in the process. Him and his sick little schemes. I then see my good buddies Ebony and Ivory laying on the table beside me. Putting a bullet through this thing would probably shut it up for good. Yeah, that's the plan. So I leap from my perch on the dresser and fly for my guns. Yeah, I fell them in my hands, they're loaded, and I am ready to kill this thing, I shot at it and it catches the bullets in it's mouth! AHH!! No fucking way! Holy shit on a stick! I cannot even believe this! And this isn't even the worst part, oh no, the worst part is it keeps...on...SINGING! I decide to shot myself and end the torture. Unfortunately for me, I'm out of bullets. Ugh, how does that work. Seriously, now at all times. I am gonna cry.

I run towards my closet and slam the door closed. I hear the bunny getting closer and scratching it's creepy death claws alone the wood. I'm starting to wonder if rabbits can dig through carpet. I believe they can, and this scares me. I look to my left and see clothes. I don't know how those would help but I'll leave it open for an option to strangle myself. I look to my right and see all those old CD's I've put away. You know the ones, they have like "Barbie Girl" and "The Hamster Dance Song" on them. You like them, but you don't want to admit that you like them and would deny you did if anyone asked if you liked them and then, when they found said CD's, you would just blame them on your brother or something. Yeah, those kind of CD's. Anywho, if I had enough time to sharpen some edges on them I _might_ be able to destroy the evil. I'm pretty much at a loss. I look up and see some hangers. Again, a necessity for strangling myself. Welp, that's about it, I can die in here or I can try and rid myself of this horror once in for all. I decide to turn the hangers into a makeshift cage and I leap out and catch it. Oh joy of joys. I'm pretty proud of myself right now. One would almost say "happy" but the bunny's still singing so I can't be too happy. I place the cage on the dresser and look sadly into it. I sit down on the edge my bed and contemplate suicide. You'd think this thing would need a drink of water or something. I decide that I'll take it back to Enzo and shove it through a hole in his stomach that I'm going to make with my boot.

So, it breaks through it's freakin' cage and I grab it and run out the door. I don't even care about getting soaked anymore. I just want to be rid of this thing. And, like you didn't already know, it keeps singing. It's singing sounds creepy and echo-y what with all the thunder and rain sounds. I hate me so much right now. I see an oncoming semi truck and throw it in front of it. I can make a hole in Enzo's stomach and throw salt in there in substitution for the damn rabbit. But the bunny hits a low note and sends the truck flying. Literally, it goes flying and I lose sight of it. This is fucked up man. It's too deranged and I don't want to live in fear of this any longer. I grab it for the last time and run to Enzo's house. I make it there and look in the window. And wouldn't you know it, but's there's Mr. Lardo himself eating the Skittles. My mind is being torn between crying and going on a murderous killing spree. The bunny's singing, he's eating my Skittles, and I'm soaked to the bone. Then, the only time I get relief, the bunny bites me on the arm and runs away. I may be bleeding, but it's gone. I see Enzo being nice and warm and safe in his house eating the candy I payed for and fall down in the grass and cry.

The next day I went to Enzo's house and killed him. I also went around exterminating all the rabbits I could find. I locked myself in my house for a good while as well and the moral to this story is: Don't trust your fat "friends". All they want is your food!

– The End

A/N: Terrified? No, maybe you should be. I hope you enjoyed it anyway.


End file.
